No means no

When I say no to you  can I just mean no?





Why do you have to stare at me like that?





I feel like you are demanding different answer





Feeling my freedom being violated I leave





But how long can I ran before I run out of places to go

Love and Hate

With the great nature in the picture try to find your purpose

With all the love in the world try not hiding your feelings

With every person who brings you down you become stronger





Listen to the sound of the living world and make a decision

Listen to the heart beating in your chest trying to tell you something

Listen to all of the pain haters feel because that’s the reason they are bringing you down





Be a good person but do not let them walk all over you

Be someone you always wanted to be but don’t change for anyone only yourself

Be someone who loves themselves because this is what this world really needs right now

Rain.

Scared or not scared? Is that even a question?

Can I do it? Am I allowed to feel whatever I want?

Is doing whatever you want a crime?

And if it is what is going to be my punishment?

Will I survive the storm that is coming for me?

I only want to be me can you let me feel?

Perfect

With the last breath I take I wanna know

That the things I did it was all worthwhile

Amazing, great and for at least once : perfect

Here I am (poem )

I don’t know where to start

I don’t know what to write

why do I do it then? why keep going ?





Because I always believe

And can’t just stop now

I have faith this is who I am





On the inside, on the outside

Everywhere I want to

It is not easy or pleasant





But this is life

Messy, painful, hopeful

Not how you want it to be





But it is absolutely Ok

Nothing will be how you want it

But it will be exactly what you need

Part 1

If I could do it only once I would. With pleasure. Smiling.

Just like that just right there I would put myself on the line.

Like I never did before. And like I never will ever again.

I am trying to contain myself but it is not working. I am all out of it.

I feel freedom and happiness and I will make sure it everlasting

Here I am

Everyone loves something. Even when they claim they don’t it is just a pathetic lie. Because everyone has that need to be close to someone. To be loved. To love. To feel it deep in your bones and down to your very core. That feeling you care about someone so much that you could die without them . Like they are everything you ever wanted and more.Like you don”t deserve even their mere presence in your life . But yet you desperately need them there with you no matter what. This is how I feel .This is how I felt before everything else .It seems like a complete different life now. Like it happened to someone else . That is partially true because I am not who I was before . Funny feeling looking into the mirror and seeing a face you did before so many time but yet it is not the same. Not the same person, not the same circumstances . It’s different to everything I have ever encountered before. But then what did I knew about life? Do I know more know? I am not so sure But again I am never sure about anything Ever Anxiety is a weird thing At least that is how I feel I am pretty sure

Animal instincts

I should feel pain. The kind I never felt before. But I don’t.

Instead I feel pleasure. I am happy right here where I am.

And I can’t help it. How something can feel so good and so bad at the same time?

Everyday I wake up with the decision that I will be stronger this time

But I never am. He has complete control over me. My body. Even my soul.

Everything in me is screaming to go be with him like my life depends on it.

And I know he feels the same way. Just like I know it is never going to happen.

There is no way in hell they will let us be together. It is one of those tragic love stories.

I never thought I will be in one. I never even thought I will find love.

But here I am. Knowing what I have to do but unable to do it.

Oh God when did my life got so complicated? I didn’t ask for it

But I got it. Something. Someone so dangerous and gentle at the same time.

Someone so good and bad and so into me like no one ever was before.

I exit the house. I have to see him. I know I shouldn’t but I can’t think straight.

I prepared myself for a long walk but it turns out it is not necessary. He is standing right there

On the other side of the street he is just standing in the rain. And I know what comes next….

Keep On

Have a thought, have a laugh, have something you never had

Have a cry, show some tears you lost things that you hold dear

Show some feeling for Gods sake never mind this awful ache

You did know you came to fight but it’s no excuse for that

Out of sight out of mind out of my life you go

If it was only that simple like I really though it was

Then I would take you and never let you go

I won’t let myself down I will keep it real

I have what it takes to do what what I need to do

I will never stop  I will keep fighting until I have strength

Till I can talk and walk and I keep getting up